Warning:
Naughty language, kids.
Previously:
Hiccup
is lame, his dad doesn’t listen, he catches a Toothless, he can fly, he’s cool,
his girl is coming around, he was too good, he found a nest, he needs a plan.
__________________________________________________________________
Music is still 9/10
dragons.
The next day, the ships
arrive back at Berk all damaged with the Vikings unsuccessful in their attempt
to find the nest. Stoick is grumpy (nothing new) but when he’s on the docks everyone
is like: “No one will miss that old nuisance,” and: “Everyone is so relieved.”
So naturally he assumes Hiccup is fucking dead. What the fuck? I am
simultaneously sad and angry. But Gobber sets him straight by telling him that
he is amazing at training and Stoick is confused.
The
next scene is my favorite; the flying scene. Hiccup and Toothless are trying
out their system for real; like “balls to the wall, if this fails we die” kind
of shit. Predictably, it’s rough at first but then they almost die and it
changes everything. Hiccup just goes with it and masterfully maneuvers them
away from death. He had a cheat sheet for the pedal controls but you know what
they say about cheaters; they always fall to their deaths with their crippled
dragons. He made a good choice by throwing it away. This is just a good, fun scene
that has my favorite song of the movie in it.
The
duo takes a lunch break on an anonymous island and the Terrible Terrors are
cute little shits and Hiccup is like: “Everything we know about dragons is
wrong.” Toothless is like: “Fuck these
fucking rats trying to steal my food.”
Back
at home, Stoick tries to talk to Hiccup and for a minute Hiccup thinks he knows
about Toothless but he’s talking about training. He was so obvious; he needs to
work on his poker face. But Stoick is pumped that Hiccup is doing well and he
can’t wait for Hiccup to kill stuff. But Hiccup isn’t actually winning the
“normal” way so while Stoick thinks they can talk, they can’t.
There’s an awkward silence that I cringed at but Stoick broke it by giving Hiccup a Viking hat which is half of his mom’s breast plate, his dad’s hat has the other. It’s a nice gesture, but have you looked at the both hats? Hiccup’s hat is big and round and Stoick’s is…small and pointy. Proportion? What proportion? Who needs that? Boobs don’t.
The next training
session is in front of the entire village, since all of the villagers have
returned. It’s against a Gronckle and Astrid is determined as shit to win but
unfortunately for her Hiccup ends up bringing the dragon down. It’s unfortunate
for Hiccup too because the village elder decides that Hiccup has won the chance
to fight the dragon, in front of everyone. Astrid wants to cut a bitch and Hiccup
decides that it’s time to run away with Toothless. But this time Astrid managed
to follow him and she discovers Toothless.
They don’t like each
other. I think they’re jealous of each other. She runs off but they catch her
and basically force her to take a ride on Toothless. The ride is scary at first
because Toothless is mad at her for trying to steal Hiccup’s attention, but she
apologizes and bam, friendship. The ride gets nice and they show her how
awesome flying is. She even wraps her arms around Hiccup and he’s totally gets
a boner.
Cool time skip. Their
ride has lasted for a long time, but it’s just as pretty at night time. But
then Toothless acts weird and suddenly they end up in a dragon swarm. Every
dragon is carrying food of some kind. They fly to the dragon nest and we see
the dragons dropping food into a giant pit which holds a giant ass dragon
called the Red Death. The other dragons are like slaves to it. Now we know why
the dragons raid villages, either they bring back food, or they get eaten
themselves.
They
escape the nest and get back to the Berk. Astrid wants to tell Stoick they
found the nest but Hiccup won’t let her. He knows they would kill Toothless.
She seems a bit disbelieving at first but she agrees to give Hiccup time to
come up with a plan. But before she leaves, Astrid punches Hiccup and then follows
up with a kiss on the cheek. Can you feel it? Love is blossoming. Can you feel
it, Mr. Krabs?
The
next day is dragon killing day. His dad starts of the festivities by giving a
speech about how it’s crazy that Hiccup went from being the worst Viking ever
to placing first at dragon training. Real nice, dude. Hiccup wants to try to
put an end to the killing but he knows how his life is so he makes Astrid
promise to take care of Toothless if something happens to him. Astrid tries to
make him promise that things won’t go wrong but he doesn’t get to say it. An
automatic fail is on the horizon.
A Monstrous Nightmare bursts from its cage, on
fire, and ready to eat some Viking. But Hiccup surprises everyone, including
the dragon, by dropping his weapons, causing everyone to freak out. Hiccup is
literally two seconds away showing how dragons and Vikings can be nice to each
other it when his dad fucks it up. He yells: “STOP THE FIGHT! BLARGH I’M GERARD
BUTLER!” Then he hits his hammer on the cage, making a loud noise and freaking
the dragon out.
The dragon goes after Hiccup
so he screams like any person would when facing off against a dragon trying to
eat you. But Toothless hears it all the way from the ravine thing and he claws
his way out of it and runs to save his BFF. Toothless does save Hiccup by
beating the shit out of the Nightmare, but predictably, before Toothless can
get out of there the Vikings attack him. He almost blasts Stoick to hell but Hiccup
makes him stop, resulting it the other managing to subdue Toothless. It was
really sad, but foreseeable. Toothless saving Hiccup still gives me feelings.
Stoick
is fucking pissed. The father and son have an argument that ends with Stoick declaring
that Hiccup isn’t his son anymore. That’s fucking harsh, Butler. It’s even
harsher when Hiccup accidentally reveals that he was at the nest and that Toothless
was the one to find it and Stoick decides to use Toothless to find it again.
When Stoick walks away we see some regret on his face for a second but then he’s
like: “Go away regret, ain’t nobody got time for that.” It was nice to see the
regret though. We see that he does love his kid but it sucks because he’s too
mad and prideful to apologize. So everything has gone to shit because Toothless
is a prisoner and Stoick is mad at Hiccup and going off to fight a dragon he
can’t beat.
Hiccup
watches as the Viking and Toothless set sail for Helheim’s Gate (that’s what
the fog bank of doom is called). Astrid finds him and they chat about why Hiccup
didn’t kill Toothless and, through some self-discovery, Hiccup realizes it’s
because he saw himself when he looked at Toothless. This motivates Hiccup to do
more stupid and crazy shit that Astrid is attracted to.
The
ships make it to the island using Toothless and his dragon senses. It’s creepy
because the island is noisy with dragon chatter but once Stoick touches the
land, it gets silent. Toothless isn’t happy about being there.
In
the training arena, the cool kids show up to help Hiccup and Astrid. What they
don’t know is that the plan is riding dragons. Conveniently, there is one
captured dragon for each kid. Except the twins, but they share the two-headed
Zippleback. It’s fitting.
Back on the island the Viking are ready
for battle. They use catapults to break open the mountain but nothing happens.
It’s just a dark hole. But when they shoot a fire rock into the hole all you
see are dragons lining the walls. They attacks but the dragons just fly away.
The Vikings think they have victory but Toothless is still freaking out. Stoick
sees and tries to regroup but it’s too late. The Red Death busts out of the
mountain and everyone runs. They try to get to the ships but the dragon sets
them on fire, with Toothless still on board.
The Vikings think they
are screwed until the gang arrives, riding the dragons. Needless to say, people
are shocked. Fishlegs educates us, I mean them, about the dragon and they use the
knowledge to make a plan. Well Hiccup does, but still, yeah teamwork. Hiccup
finds Toothless and tries to free him but the boat sinks. At this point I was
throwing my hands up at Hiccup’s shitty luck. Hiccup almost drowns but Stoick
pulls him out of the water and saves Toothless himself. Dad and son make up,
making me cry a little, then Hiccup and Toothless go off to be awesome.
Once they arrive to the
fight, everyone else gets out of the way because Hiccup and Toothless don’t
need help obviously. Nope. None at all. Everyone else can just sit back and
watch the battle. Hiccup and Toothless make it mad and fly off but the Red
Death is like: “Bitch you did not just shoot your blue shit at me.” Just
saying, the big dragon flying is actually scary. Just imagine that shit in real
life.
Toothless and Hiccup fly into some storm clouds
and disappear. They use stealth to shoot at it over and over and in a rage, the
Red Death shoots fire everywhere, setting Toothless’ fake tail on fire. This is
where the intensity starts for real. In a last ditch effort, they dive towards
ground, giant dragon close behind. Just as it’s about to shoot some flame,
Toothless turns and shoots his own fire into its mouth. The Red Death is set on
fire inside its body. It hits the ground and explodes like a fucking missile.
Toothless and Hiccup try to escape but their tail burns out and they get hit
with the Red Death’s giant tail, knocking Hiccup unconscious and out of his
seat. The last shot shows Toothless diving down to save him in a fiery wall of
death.
It’s smoky and dusty
when Stoick finds Toothless, absent rider, on the ground. Toothless is a little
out of it but alive. Stoick gets sad because Hiccup is gone and man, this was
really sad. I cried and will always cry at this scene. But it’s okay because
Toothless comes around and unfolds his wings like ta-da! Hiccup is unconscious
and alive. Everyone (including the dragons) is happy and cheering and Stoick
thanks Toothless for saving…his SON.
/Sobs/.
When Hiccup wakes up in
his house, Toothless is excited. He
discovers that he lost a leg and now has a fake one. When Toothless helps him
walk and there’s a nice shot from behind of the fake leg and tail. Symbolism. Hiccup
discovers that the villagers are riding and living with the displaced dragons.
Everyone is happy Hiccup woke up. Especially Astrid, who punches and kisses him
on the mouth this time. Yay, everyone is happy and coexisting. Gobber even made
Toothless a new tail that’s red with a skull.
So finally, they all
fly together and Hiccup sends us off with an altered version of his opening
montage; which made me feel nostalgic even though the film is only 80 minutes
long.
The End.
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