Warning: Naughty Language, kids.
Notes: SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY
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Alright, so the dwarves are fine. Tauriel and Legolas hold off the orc pack long enough for Kili to recover and pull the lever to open the gate. He then jumps back into his barrel, causing the arrow to pop out of his leg. I cringed.
The whole barrel scene is quite fun. Legolas and Tauriel are running alongside the escapees, killing orcs, and Legolas traverses the river by jumping on the heads of the dwarves. Bombur has a great pinball scene. I laughed jovially. The whole thing was just exciting. I felt bad for Bilbo though, he didn't have a barrel; he just clung to the side of one.
The dwarves out-float the elves and orcs and wash up on shore. Kili is bandaged up and Thorin is anxious to move on. I thought he was kind of rude here, even though I understood why he wanted them to move on. Also, here we meet Bard. The badass archer/bargeman who happens to find them. And no, he's not Will Turner, so shut up about it. He is his own character who has his own back story (which I am so happy they gave him) and his own story arc.
Balin is able to batter passage into Lake-town, so it's back into the barrels they go. Dwalin is like losing his shit from this point on. It's like her can't stand humanity and the world anymore. It's lovely. We also find out that the arrow Kili was shot with was Morgul Arrow, which is bad. It's poisoned and now Kili is slowly dying. Fucking great, more problems.
The Lake-town scene was cool and kind of long. There was a lot of story crammed into the Lake-town sequence. And while it was interesting and cool, I was kind of sad that Beorn and Mirkwood didn't get as much screen time as Lake-town. I'm not kidding..a lot happens here, and now that it's been two weeks since I've seen the movie, the details are a little fuzzy. So basically...
The Lake-town scene was cool and kind of long. There was a lot of story crammed into the Lake-town sequence. And while it was interesting and cool, I was kind of sad that Beorn and Mirkwood didn't get as much screen time as Lake-town. I'm not kidding..a lot happens here, and now that it's been two weeks since I've seen the movie, the details are a little fuzzy. So basically...
- We meet the Master of Lake-town, who is gross, and his little stooge, who is a little bitch.
- The dwarves swim in a toilet which was funny as hell.
- The Master is suspicious of Bard because everyone loves Bard, I mean, who wouldn't?
- Bard is being spied on, poor guy.
- Bard's kids are awesome.
- BARD BACK STORY!
- CITY OF DALE BACK STORY!
- BACK STORY!
- The dwarves don't make good thieves.
- Dwarves in a collective group are not smart.
- Thorin is persuasive.
- They get help from the Master to go to the Lonely Mountain.
- Except Kili because he's injured.
- And Fili because bros.
- And Oin because healer....is it Oin? Or Gloin? Fuck...
- Bard is not pleased because dragon.
See? Lots of stuff.
(six months later)
So....I posted part one of this review during Christmas break. Oops. And I have literally no motivation to properly finish this so I'm going to do this instead:
The movie was good, the dragon was awesome, there was some unnecessary drawing out of the scene where the find and open the door, convenient Arkenstone is convenient, fighting, Gandalf is in peril, dragon, they fuck it up, dragon is mad, Bilbo is like "oh shit", dragon.
THE END.
god damn
(six months later)
So....I posted part one of this review during Christmas break. Oops. And I have literally no motivation to properly finish this so I'm going to do this instead:
The movie was good, the dragon was awesome, there was some unnecessary drawing out of the scene where the find and open the door, convenient Arkenstone is convenient, fighting, Gandalf is in peril, dragon, they fuck it up, dragon is mad, Bilbo is like "oh shit", dragon.
THE END.
god damn
